Dressing for Success -- Reducing Stress by Taking Charge of the Little Things
If you've noticed me walking around the halls at school lately, you've seen that I've put some serious work into my outfit game. As in, I haven't worn yoga pants with boots for almost 2 weeks. As in, I pulled out a blazer and a dress for school today. And so lest you think I've decided to spontaneously redirect my career aspirations from medicine to fashion (it wouldn't work, I have terrible color sense), I thought I'd take a minute to explain myself. One of the things I've learned in the past couple years is that there is no way to control the timing of our lives; there is no way to say, "Wait a minute, I have 10 tests and quizzes and the SAT the week before finals." Stress is a by-product of our inner hustle and the inevitability of timing, but how we choose to deal with stress can determine how well we emerge from the situation in the end. I've learned that prioritizing mental health and state of mind is one of the greatest tools to combating stress. For me, this means dressing nice and feeling comfortable in the clothes I'm wearing. When I wake up in the morning and pick out a nice outfit instead of just pajamas, I set the tone for the rest of my day. It makes me feel confident and in control of something, even if it is small. I've also been trying to take charge of other areas in my life that might cause avoidable stress: not being late, for example (it feels pretty good), or creating a clean, refreshing work environment in my room (still a work in progress). It's important to note that feeling confident in a situation is highly personal. While for me, it might mean dressing nicely, for someone else it could mean feeling confident in their sweatpants and sneakers or being more aware of their nutrition. What's important in the end is being able to ground yourself in the idea of "yes, I can do this. It might be hard right now, but it will work out in the end." I'm a firm believer in the self-fulfilling prophecy; I believe that our results depend heavily upon the attitude with which we approach a situation. Reducing the unnecessary stress factors at points of high stress in our lives and gaining a sense of self-control are essential to managing stress. And so although it may seem like I'm being extra with all of my over the top outfits, trust me it works!
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Friday, December 30, 2016
La Vie Sans Regret
I haven't been able to write much over the last few months. I have struggled to put pen to paper in a way that felt real and authentic to myself. I've had to grapple with the idea of my own ignorance, my identity in a world that is so much bigger than I will ever be able to fathom. And I have had to allow myself to feel and experience things in a way I never have before. In short, I have felt inadequate to hold the power of words and temporarily turned over the responsibility to people far more capable of wielding them. I have fallen asleep sobbing to the words of angelic artists with scratchy voices. I have devoured literature -- eaten up the words of times and places so very different from my own. I have become a thousand and one different people while struggling to find myself. I've reopened the lines of my faith, dusted of the old wall-phone, and had some of my most genuine conversations with God. On the surface, the last few months have been perfect -- a pristine collection of events lined up in exactly the right order. In reality, the past few months have been even more beautiful than that -- they've been a messy journey of growing up, being raw and vulnerable, and, above all, continuing to learn even when I feel like curling up into a ball and hiding. And I've learned the hard way that it's okay to validate my feelings and emotions, that it doesn't make me a selfish person and in fact it might make me a better person. With these lessons in my backpack, I'm moving forward into 2017 with a commitment to live life without regrets -- to be bold and loud and honest and to allow myself the time to soak up the everyday miracles around me. My whole life I have planned this perfect trajectory calculating how far I am from where I think I "should" be, but I want to learn how to set myself free. I want to learn to be silly and reckless and "Y.O.L.O." every once in a while, even if the statistic probability of success is low. I want to learn to laugh without regrets because, like my dad says, without laughter none of this is worth it.
I haven't been able to write much over the last few months. I have struggled to put pen to paper in a way that felt real and authentic to myself. I've had to grapple with the idea of my own ignorance, my identity in a world that is so much bigger than I will ever be able to fathom. And I have had to allow myself to feel and experience things in a way I never have before. In short, I have felt inadequate to hold the power of words and temporarily turned over the responsibility to people far more capable of wielding them. I have fallen asleep sobbing to the words of angelic artists with scratchy voices. I have devoured literature -- eaten up the words of times and places so very different from my own. I have become a thousand and one different people while struggling to find myself. I've reopened the lines of my faith, dusted of the old wall-phone, and had some of my most genuine conversations with God. On the surface, the last few months have been perfect -- a pristine collection of events lined up in exactly the right order. In reality, the past few months have been even more beautiful than that -- they've been a messy journey of growing up, being raw and vulnerable, and, above all, continuing to learn even when I feel like curling up into a ball and hiding. And I've learned the hard way that it's okay to validate my feelings and emotions, that it doesn't make me a selfish person and in fact it might make me a better person. With these lessons in my backpack, I'm moving forward into 2017 with a commitment to live life without regrets -- to be bold and loud and honest and to allow myself the time to soak up the everyday miracles around me. My whole life I have planned this perfect trajectory calculating how far I am from where I think I "should" be, but I want to learn how to set myself free. I want to learn to be silly and reckless and "Y.O.L.O." every once in a while, even if the statistic probability of success is low. I want to learn to laugh without regrets because, like my dad says, without laughter none of this is worth it.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Loneliness and Loyalty
Loneliness and loyalty. It's so easy to get these words twisted in your brain, the prickly thorns of loneliness hidden behind the roses of loyalty. A promise is a dangerous word. It means you will be there for someone no matter what happens. It means you will not let them be lonely. And I think loyalty is like a pathological disease. Once you catch it, it spreads to every aspect of your life and soon you are loyal not only to your family, and your country, and your favorite sports team, but also you are loyal to the group of strangers you sit next to on the bus everyday and the barista that makes your coffee every morning: black with just the right amount of sugar. Because what else is life than pledging ourselves to valiant and worthless missions. Because through our loyalty we ease the pain of our loneliness and surely it is as effective at curing the achings of the soul as opium is at easing the ailments of the mind and body. And soon we begin to crave it, this desire to attach ourselves to a purpose higher than our own and who cares if the last relationship didn't work out when you can fling yourself into passionate love with the boy you met at the bar, hand him your heart on a string with a sticker that says loyalty because it feels so much better to have a stranger holding your heart than no one at all. And what if all of our promises are just that, the whispers of a lonely mind that is scared to finds its way through the darkness alone? What if loyalty is a dirty trick they played on us to make us feel like they needed us? What if I have already signed my soul to you and you don't even know I exist?
Loneliness and loyalty. It's so easy to get these words twisted in your brain, the prickly thorns of loneliness hidden behind the roses of loyalty. A promise is a dangerous word. It means you will be there for someone no matter what happens. It means you will not let them be lonely. And I think loyalty is like a pathological disease. Once you catch it, it spreads to every aspect of your life and soon you are loyal not only to your family, and your country, and your favorite sports team, but also you are loyal to the group of strangers you sit next to on the bus everyday and the barista that makes your coffee every morning: black with just the right amount of sugar. Because what else is life than pledging ourselves to valiant and worthless missions. Because through our loyalty we ease the pain of our loneliness and surely it is as effective at curing the achings of the soul as opium is at easing the ailments of the mind and body. And soon we begin to crave it, this desire to attach ourselves to a purpose higher than our own and who cares if the last relationship didn't work out when you can fling yourself into passionate love with the boy you met at the bar, hand him your heart on a string with a sticker that says loyalty because it feels so much better to have a stranger holding your heart than no one at all. And what if all of our promises are just that, the whispers of a lonely mind that is scared to finds its way through the darkness alone? What if loyalty is a dirty trick they played on us to make us feel like they needed us? What if I have already signed my soul to you and you don't even know I exist?
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Trapped between Selves
Is it possible to annoy yourself so much that you can't even stand yourself anymore? When the girls in math or the group project partners are bothering you, you can ignore them -- ghost their messages, let their calls go straight to voicemail. You can rant about them behind their backs and subtweet them on Twitter. But what do you do when that person is the one person you can't get away from: yourself? Every thought, every action, ticks off something inside. But there's nowhere for that madness to go but inward, and it feels like ripping yourself apart and putting yourself back together, all at the same time. You try to drown out that voice, your voice. You're so careful. You put on headphones before you go to bed. You text everyone you know because it is so lonely not being able to talk to yourself. And every time, eventually, you patch up your differences, kiss and makeup. But each time you wonder, what if it's different this time?
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Candles
Have you ever thought about what makes a good candle? When you walk into a candle store, the candles lined up on shelves and tied up in burlap bows, how do you know that the candle you choose will be a good candle? Not only should it "smell" nice or "look" nice but also should truly possess the qualities that make a candle worth owning. I decided to make a checklist for the next time I go candle shopping. A good candle will spread light and warmth simply by existing. A good candle will bend and sway to invisible forces but not be overcome by them. It will serve selflessly because only through sharing its life will it ever be really useful. A good candle sees with an unprejudiced eye yet will soften the edges of anything that asks in its glow. Artificial lights are harsh and scrutinizing but a candle asks no questions. A good candle has self-control. It does not become emboldened by passion nor consumed by ego like its wild cousin the fire. A good candle is content and at peace. It is also a good host -- unwaveringly inviting and attentive. A good candle shows not only what is but what could be -- playing delicate shadow films over barren walls. A good candle forces you to confront your fears. It tells stories, each molten layer a piece of the past. A good candle is a gift. Not many candles at the shop will meet these criterion, but the ones that do will surely be worth having.
Have you ever thought about what makes a good candle? When you walk into a candle store, the candles lined up on shelves and tied up in burlap bows, how do you know that the candle you choose will be a good candle? Not only should it "smell" nice or "look" nice but also should truly possess the qualities that make a candle worth owning. I decided to make a checklist for the next time I go candle shopping. A good candle will spread light and warmth simply by existing. A good candle will bend and sway to invisible forces but not be overcome by them. It will serve selflessly because only through sharing its life will it ever be really useful. A good candle sees with an unprejudiced eye yet will soften the edges of anything that asks in its glow. Artificial lights are harsh and scrutinizing but a candle asks no questions. A good candle has self-control. It does not become emboldened by passion nor consumed by ego like its wild cousin the fire. A good candle is content and at peace. It is also a good host -- unwaveringly inviting and attentive. A good candle shows not only what is but what could be -- playing delicate shadow films over barren walls. A good candle forces you to confront your fears. It tells stories, each molten layer a piece of the past. A good candle is a gift. Not many candles at the shop will meet these criterion, but the ones that do will surely be worth having.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Sixteen Reflections from a Sixteen-Year-Old
In less than an hour, I'll be sixteen years old. I've heard it's supposed to be an important number. You know how, when you were a little kid, you'd stick your tongue out to taste the tip of your ice cream cone, just slightly dulling the point? Put in one toe into the swimming pool to test the water? I think sixteen is a little something like that. You're just old enough to realize how many countries you haven't visited yet, how many people you haven't talked to, how many stories you can't yet tell , and how many stars you haven't yet counted... And in that realization, you earn an ounce of wisdom. So I thought tonight I'd share with you sixteen personal reflections. Maybe it will remind you of what it felt like to be sixteen.
1) I am attracted to the beautiful, meaningful, and raw. And sometimes my curiosity and ambition will lead me to prick my fingers against the thorns. But once out of a million, I will discover something truly wonderful.
2) I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. What I think is the end of the world today is just another reason to wake up and try harder tomorrow.
3) No matter how hard I try to push them away, my family will always have my back and be there when I need them most.
4) Sometimes, I am too hard on myself. It's okay if I can't save the world today as long as I keep going.
5) I am brutally honest and sometimes that can push people away. But that's okay because honesty is a part of who I am and the people who need to be here will stay.
6) Self-confidence is the greatest weapon. Humility is the best coach.
7) Invite both the voice in your heart and the voice in your head over for tea. You can't make a decision without one or the other.
8) Be loud, be weird, and most importantly be yourself. The world needs one of you; don't try to be someone you're not.
9) Make good friends then keep them close. They're the power boost you will need to get over life's obstacles.
10) Read books that make you wonder. Drink tea not coffee. Go on walks and lie on the grass and smell the roses. Watch sunrises and sunsets. Listen to music. Make it a priority to take care of your soul.
11) Never lower the expectations you set for yourself. People will doubt and question you and it's your job to not listen.
12) It is always better to be happy than to be right. Stand up for what you believe in but pick your battles wisely.
13) Always be compassionate and caring, regardless of how hard the world tries to make you. There is always good in people. Keep your ears and heart open at all times.
14) Whenever you do something, ask yourself whether or not you are truly satisfied. If not, change your attitude or find something new.
15) Always stay up to date on the latest news and what is happening in the world. Knowledge is powerful.
16) I might be an idealist, a dreamer, unrealistic and that's all right.
In less than an hour, I'll be sixteen years old. I've heard it's supposed to be an important number. You know how, when you were a little kid, you'd stick your tongue out to taste the tip of your ice cream cone, just slightly dulling the point? Put in one toe into the swimming pool to test the water? I think sixteen is a little something like that. You're just old enough to realize how many countries you haven't visited yet, how many people you haven't talked to, how many stories you can't yet tell , and how many stars you haven't yet counted... And in that realization, you earn an ounce of wisdom. So I thought tonight I'd share with you sixteen personal reflections. Maybe it will remind you of what it felt like to be sixteen.
1) I am attracted to the beautiful, meaningful, and raw. And sometimes my curiosity and ambition will lead me to prick my fingers against the thorns. But once out of a million, I will discover something truly wonderful.
2) I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. What I think is the end of the world today is just another reason to wake up and try harder tomorrow.
3) No matter how hard I try to push them away, my family will always have my back and be there when I need them most.
4) Sometimes, I am too hard on myself. It's okay if I can't save the world today as long as I keep going.
5) I am brutally honest and sometimes that can push people away. But that's okay because honesty is a part of who I am and the people who need to be here will stay.
6) Self-confidence is the greatest weapon. Humility is the best coach.
7) Invite both the voice in your heart and the voice in your head over for tea. You can't make a decision without one or the other.
8) Be loud, be weird, and most importantly be yourself. The world needs one of you; don't try to be someone you're not.
9) Make good friends then keep them close. They're the power boost you will need to get over life's obstacles.
10) Read books that make you wonder. Drink tea not coffee. Go on walks and lie on the grass and smell the roses. Watch sunrises and sunsets. Listen to music. Make it a priority to take care of your soul.
11) Never lower the expectations you set for yourself. People will doubt and question you and it's your job to not listen.
12) It is always better to be happy than to be right. Stand up for what you believe in but pick your battles wisely.
13) Always be compassionate and caring, regardless of how hard the world tries to make you. There is always good in people. Keep your ears and heart open at all times.
14) Whenever you do something, ask yourself whether or not you are truly satisfied. If not, change your attitude or find something new.
15) Always stay up to date on the latest news and what is happening in the world. Knowledge is powerful.
16) I might be an idealist, a dreamer, unrealistic and that's all right.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Adulting
I realized I was adulting when I put away a pair of shiny five inch heels in exchange for more practical shoes. I also realized it when I was stuck with a group of teenagers in the middle of Nashville with an Uber app but no credit card. Or again when we were stranded at a Cook Out fast food joint with no ride, no phone battery, and greasy onion rings. My parents like to make fun of me; they tell me growing up was hard for everybody and I'm not the first person to do it. But I really do have the vague impression that perhaps I am not cut out for this. Perhaps I am like the Titanic, young and proud with dreams too big for my own good. At some point, someone drags us to market, tells us to trade in make-believe for sensibility. It's like driving away from a childhood home: if I turn my head ever so slightly, I can glimpse myself running around in my mom's work pumps, frilly skort, and rainbow sunglasses. I can see myself scribbling away in journals of lined paper, the Creator of my own worlds. All I have to do is turn the steering wheel a little and I could go back to all of that. But oh look -- that's something that's new now. I'm the one sitting behind the steering wheel. Someone convinced my parents to let me drive and here I am weeks away from my license and that magic number -- my 16th birthday. And what about that college tour to the school 8 hours from home with a good pre-med program? When I was younger, growing up was easy. It was going to the mall or movies with your friends or being able to use the stove or not having a bedtime. But now I have all those things and I'm not quite sure what that means. Where do I go from here? Taxes and 401k's and calcium supplements? I guess I'll let you know when I figure it out...
I realized I was adulting when I put away a pair of shiny five inch heels in exchange for more practical shoes. I also realized it when I was stuck with a group of teenagers in the middle of Nashville with an Uber app but no credit card. Or again when we were stranded at a Cook Out fast food joint with no ride, no phone battery, and greasy onion rings. My parents like to make fun of me; they tell me growing up was hard for everybody and I'm not the first person to do it. But I really do have the vague impression that perhaps I am not cut out for this. Perhaps I am like the Titanic, young and proud with dreams too big for my own good. At some point, someone drags us to market, tells us to trade in make-believe for sensibility. It's like driving away from a childhood home: if I turn my head ever so slightly, I can glimpse myself running around in my mom's work pumps, frilly skort, and rainbow sunglasses. I can see myself scribbling away in journals of lined paper, the Creator of my own worlds. All I have to do is turn the steering wheel a little and I could go back to all of that. But oh look -- that's something that's new now. I'm the one sitting behind the steering wheel. Someone convinced my parents to let me drive and here I am weeks away from my license and that magic number -- my 16th birthday. And what about that college tour to the school 8 hours from home with a good pre-med program? When I was younger, growing up was easy. It was going to the mall or movies with your friends or being able to use the stove or not having a bedtime. But now I have all those things and I'm not quite sure what that means. Where do I go from here? Taxes and 401k's and calcium supplements? I guess I'll let you know when I figure it out...
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